That’s what we called Mum when she began to drop things and be clumsy.

She had 6 of us kids to look after and she loved us so much and laughed with us when we called her Butterfingers.

Her youngest child (my sister) died when she was aged 4 and then my Mum really went downhill.

We went to see the specialist and was told she had Huntingtons. I was told the only way to beat the disease was never to have children ~ I had only been married a week. I never had kids.

As things progressed my Dad could not cope. He beat her so badly one day I had to call the doctor.

Mum came to stay with me. She cried so hard one night after accidentally setting fire to my living room and said to me “I want to go into hospital”

I was so relieved to hear her say that because I was struggling to cope and was worried sick about her when I went to work. So off she went. She died. My name was the last word she spoke.

My two sisters and one brother have also since died. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, they’ve died too.

I’m free of Huntingtons but not the guilt of putting my Mum into an institution.

I miss Butterfingers so much even after all these years. I love you Butterfingers and I am so sorry I let you down.